I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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