Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
birth control should be required to get into college
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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