Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
