i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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