How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
