So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
