i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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