He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
