i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
