Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My dick has a subreddit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
