my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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