if i can run in heels then i can drive
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
