there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
