We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i drank out of a bidet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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