so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
