At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
