erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
