I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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