my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
