I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
