i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
