i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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