Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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