We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
