soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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