just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
