So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
