her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
