i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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