update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
