She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
