tonight lets celebrate not being married
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
