South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
