I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I queefed so loud it echoed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
