I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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