Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
