Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
