U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
