Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
