I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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