Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
