Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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