i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
