found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
