Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
