yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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