I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
