the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
