How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
