My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
