he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
