So many bounce houses so little time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
