I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
