You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So vagazzling was a success
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
